New Car. That is all.

Wide Awke Bootleg

6.5 Reasons Why Bloggers Make Better Lovers

6.5 Reasons Why Bloggers Make Better Lovers

How Wars Start

It's the age old problem; how do you get the buses to run on time ? 

For example, on my route this very morning, I did what Project Managers all over the world so, which is get to the bus stop 5 mins early.


40 minutes later, I was still waiting. 


So either the bus I waited for was earlier than 5 minutes early, according to its timetable, or it just simply didn't run.


As a result, I missed my first meeting of the day, which, whilst it wasn't about solving World Famine and therefore in the grander scheme of things, totally irrelevant, it still annoyed the f**k out of me. 

This meant that, when I gave up and walked home, I was in a bad mood, and shouted at my kids, which got them upset, which made me feel guilty and then s**t, etc etc and so on.

The universe is therefore out of balance, all 'cos the someone, somewhere, didn't do their job properly.  

I believe that it has been proven that, if buses ran without timetables but at the same frequency (eg in my case 2 buses an hour) then they would actually be available at a more convenient time for everyone and would thus avoid adding to  the proliferation of angst, stress, performance targets and measures that so infest modern life. Everyone involved, the driver, the bus company owner and the punter would be much happier as a result and no one would start wars. 

I'm On iTunes !!!

Yes ! It's true ! I am on iTunes, albeit by a slightly circuitous route.

I feel rather more chuffed about that than I probably ought to but hey, there's got to be a first time.

Anyway, my debut podcast, the rather spendid (if I say so myself) Prog Personality of the Year Winners Podcast.

It can be downloaded from here (Episode 16) iTunes link

I'd also like to recommend the really rather lovely website wot I built to go with it

PPOTY 2010

This is not the end; this is just the beginning. Please download and let me know what you think. If you're brave enough... :-)

F**K Square

The perils of untimely social networking.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

My Life In Record Shops c 1977-2011

This article appeared on the BBC Website a couple of weeks back Madonna and Me

I spent many hours of my youth in record shops, and indeed, worked in HMV as a Saturday and holiday job whilst at College (at which I avoided studying due to my head being in a cloud of music accompanied fog - literally and figuratively).  



Don't forget that that it was the likes of HMV, Virgin and Our Price, with their pile-em-high, sell-em-cheap commoditisation of music and price gouging tactics that put paid to the small independent record store where you’d find the real muso's. The mind goes back to such legends as Backs Records (spiky, indie, punk) and Robin's Records (rock, prog, hippy).

Robin’s records in particular was a temple to me, and a destination every Saturday morning. 

The employees of both shops disliked each other along tribal lines, and so did their customers. A Backs Records person wouldn’t be seen dead in Robins, and vice-versa.

It took me weeks, if not months, to cross its threshold as if entering a forbidden realm, only to discover a set of sub-cultural rules regarding the correct way to behave, for example, whilst browsing perpendicular to another customer. I was always a left to right browser, starting on the carousel at the top left, venturing down the racks until reaching the bottom, and then taking a swift diagonal upward to the next right. Others browsed in a right-to left fashion leading to the inevitable meeting and the key moment of etiquette - how does one transition past the other ? At what point, do you cross over ?

Mostly this was done in a seamless, automatic and graceful movement, with neither eyes nor limb meeting, each to pursue their respective course unhindered, with opprobrium reserved for the random browser with no "system”, and a shared but unspoken agreement that such people were out of their depth and would be better served by browsing the racks at Woollies’. Clearly, not "serious" music fans.



These little rules were as nothing to the trepidation involved in purchasing a record for the first time. The guys (always guys) behind the counter represented a high priesthood of music appreciation, a level to which the novice would stare in wonder and aspiration. They knew every release date, and probably knew the bands themselves. Offering the empty record sleeve was a critical moment, eliciting tacit approval, shared appreciation and an unspoken invitation to join the club (at entry level, clearly), or conversely a cultural faux-pas of astronomic proportions. Nevertheless, it was a journey that introduced me to, amongst others,  Hemispheres, Long Live Rock and Roll, Dark Side Of The Moon, Heaven and Hell, Brain Salad Surgery, A Day At The Races, Out Of The Blue, No More Heroes, Live and Dangerous and even, yes, Jeff Wayne’s Musical Version of War Of The Worlds ! Oh to be starting that journey again...

In many ways, what’s happening now to music chains is the logical conclusion of the process they started, only now it’s them in the firing line as music becomes a comodity more than ever. Frankly, the quality at the default bit rate of yer average download is shocking, and either the consumer must have cloth ears or just not care; when people say “Oh, I can't tell the difference” I feel like shaking them by the shoulders and shouting at them “That's because you’re not listening”.

And that’s the point I guess; why would you buy music and not listen to it unless you felt it was a piece of throw away junk ?

And don’t even get me started on the artwork; where once proudly stood a 12”x12” artefact with the potential at least of portraying great beauty, care and thought, there is now a 75k JPEG file.

I can’t think of another area where the punter is as happy to passed shoddy goods of dubious quality. And what does it say about the artist who is happy for their work to be passed off as such ? And, even worse, what does it say to you about what the artist must think of YOU, dear punter, that they think you’re happy to have this sub-standard product flogged to you ?

For those people, iTunes et al exist.  

That said, the facts of life for all artists (even the Beatles it seems, though not AC/DC interestingly) mean that you have to be there, and I wouldn’t criticise any artist who feels compelled to play.

So where does the music fan turn, where he/she can be assured of a treasured artefact constructed with love and care, at the best quality, at a reasonable price ? I believe that pronouncements on the death of the CD are exaggerated, just as the death knell for the 12” vinyl record actually turned out to be the morning call to prayer. Many bands who care about their output (and it is still amazing to me how many bands and musicians don’t care about HOW their music sounds) are now putting time and money into producing, albeit for a premium, tapping into the desire of the music fan to have a highly collectable and precious artefact.

Equally, whilst there are still fans of music as a sublime combination or art and emotion with huge libraries of CD’s, there will be a demand for players. And should these people take advantage of the convenience of home-networks, it’ll be a long time before they are satisfied with a 130Kbps download as their primary “content”.

And if some of that gives a young person the same thrill of discovery and finding something to call their own that will live with them for the rest of their lives, that’s good enough for me.

PPOTY 2010

Work continues on my first foray into the world of Podcasting which has been a rather steep learning curve. I apologise now to anyone who listens to the finished article and finds it rather rough around the edges. Hopefully, it won’t be too bad.

Now the deadline is approaching I’m trusting in my usual methodology, namely to procrastinate endlessly up to the last minute then do it all in a rush. It’s been good fun and I’m grateful to all the contributors who don’t really know who I am and could quite easily have told me to “f**k off !” which nobody did, so that’s been brilliant.

Next year, I’ll go all out for a “gala event” with live music and dancing girls. Esp the girls…

PERSONAL UPDATE

Next week I have my 6 month check to see whether I’m still alive (I am, for now). I feel decent progress has been made; my weight has now dipped under 18 Stone, no cigarettes have passed my lips, and my alcohol intake continues to be on the judicious side (aside from a very few occasions). On top of this, I am taking regular exercise every day as directed and I’m looking forward to the spring and the lighter evenings so I can get out for a trot or a bike ride. 

I’ve been doing some running, which has proven to me that whilst I can meet the targets the Dr’s have set me, my levels of fitness are pathetically low compared to my peaks in my early 20’s and 30’s. Whilst I realise that regaining those levels is not possible, I can improve a lot, so that’s one of my goals for this year.

After an earlier dalliance with buying a Porsche, (memorably described to me by someone as my “Men-o-Porsche”, which I found rather funny in it’s unerringly accurate one word summary of my “condition”), I have decided that said vehicle won’t give me the combination of speed and luxury that I’m looking for, so I’ve decided that I’ll have a go at one of these:-

If anyone says it’s a hairdresser's car I’ll put you in the boot whilst I put the roof down…

Au revoir…